Life has definitely been different this year. I've been interested in lots of different things
(working out, drawing, reading, etc.). Out of all of those, the one I like the most
(yet find ways to procrastinate on it OTL) is drawing.
After I came back from Japan, I haven't drawn for about a month.
I realized that my reason for procrastination is a combination of
"I'm scared of not being successful" and "I'm scared of BEING successful."
(and hint of depression here and there, but that's for another day)
Sure, we're all afraid of failing (not being successful), but there was a part of
me that thought, "What if this DOES go well?" (Ego speaking right there, sheesh).
And with both of those, my conclusion was "If I don't try (draw) at all, I'll never know."
But that's exactly what brought me to my other realization:
"If I don't draw, I will NEVER draw."
Because it's so much easier to put things off than do it, facing the chance of failing.
(I think school is like this too; a lot of kids give up trying in the first place,
because they'd rather not fail).
A finance book I was reading, called How Come THAT Idiot's Rich and I'm Not? (catchy title, ain't it?),
basically said "If you don't start (financing) now, then you will never be rich."
Strangely, that really clicked with art.
The same thing can be said: "If I don't start drawing, I'll never succeed."
Even if my definition of "success" is different, to me, drawing simply makes me happy.
I can express my thoughts and world view through art.
I can talk to people and communicate my ideas.
I really really like to draw.
Sure, I can avoid drawing by doing other things and keep myself busy, but there's that
"nudge" in the back of my mind saying "You know you want to draw." And that's something
I can never shrug off, because I know that drawing makes me happy.
Interestingly, watching Youtube videos of other people draw (esp. Butch Hartman's videos)
really has been motivating me to create and draw something that's fun.
Fun and enjoyable, for me.
At the end of the day, it doesn't even have to matter if people see/like my work.
(I mean, it is discouraging when you have zero views/faves/comments, but)
Those are just numbers. Like age, clothes size, grades, etc, numbers don't give you
an accurate representation of what your work is like (just like how age/size/grades
are just numbers/letters too).
I draw because it makes me happy.
I draw because it's fun.
I draw because I can express my thoughts.
I draw because I can be creative.
I draw because I like drawing.
I wanted to express this before I do my drawing for the day (I post my progress on my twitter),
because I think reading this later will help me continue to stay motivated to draw. And it's just
sometimes nice to think about why you (like to) do what you do. Reflecting is important